XXVII Dookie Letter

Be thee warned:

This correspondence be looooong,
so read it later when ye have some time, preferably with a drink in hand.

Once more, unto ‘The Hill,’ dear friends….

Just as humans have for millennia,
we heed a far-off call for “the gathering.”

From farms, to nearby towns,
and even to great distant cities,
the call goes out far & wide.

This offer is open to anyone,
but only the brave and iron-livered,
would even consider answering it.

Trumpets blare in clarion,
beckoning us with its offer of…
the Holy Grail.
The legendary pewter…nay…GOLD steins from across the giant sea in Sheffield.
Each engraved with immortal Conquerors of times long ago.

Brave knights,
who must sacrifice their own bodies,
both physically and intestinally,
will soon be gathering to contest.

Brave Sir Knight…
will you stand up and fight??

Heed this call !!

But first…
Lest we forget from whence we came,
a recap from the gathering of Dookie XXVI is of the most necessity.

A great HUZZAH is in order for our triumphant Conquerors:

Metcalf, Tony, Garyn and Beiter.

It’s Danny’s 16th time on The Mugs!
He’s now won it twice in a row, and been Conqueror 3 out of the last 4 years.

For Tony, this is his 4th time as Conqueror, his first since 2019.
And Jeff & Garyn have both won it 3 times, their first since 2016 and 2019 respectively.

Our Conquerors *dominated* Golf by taking  the top 2 places, with Jeff & Garyn putting in a par-level round.
Tony & Garyn stormed to victory in *both* field events on Saturday, all but securing their names on The Glorious Mugs.

Well done, boys.  A most excellent victory.

In the individual events,
we had *zero* repeat winners from our ‘King of the Hill’ Dookie in 2023.

However…
Garyn won 3 of the 5 events in 2024!! Wow!
Dominant performance. He has now won a total of 9 individual events at Dookie Tournament’s.

And Tony won both Croquet & Horseshoes, bringing his event win total to 11.

We also have some losing streaks to note:
Jeff has finished in last place in Horseshoes the last three years in a row!

AND he has finished in last place in Euchre the last three times that it was contested.
…that’s some Disaster Dookie-ing right there.

But it wasn’t all bad news for Jeff though, he won his 17th individual event in Golf, in the 2024 tourney. This brings him into a tie for the 4th most individual events won in history. Impressive.

Though, that does slightly pale in comparison to our Dookie Babe Ruth who has 33 event title.
BUT… last year, Danny finished without winning an event for the first time since 2017.

Splendid.

Now….looking forward…

Dookie XXVII will be contested the weekend of July 11th, 12th, and 13th.

The order of events will be:

Friday July 11th-
Golf in the morning at River Forest Country Club!! (YAY! …new track this year!)

Then Darts at Dookie Ranch in the evening.
Saxon Inn will be dinner, around 4pm, in between the events.
(so you *may* have time after Golf to go home, shower, and change before starting Darts)

Saturday July 12th-
Horseshoes, Croquet & Bocce will be played simultaneously.
We’ll serve backyard-barbecue-style grilled food all day, then have a bonfire at night where we’ll be making both sweet and savory mountain pies over the flames.

Sunday July 13th-
We will play the playoffs & finals of Horseshoes, Croquet & Bocce.
We’ll serve the same type of grilled food for lunch.

RSVP will be $250,
and it is due by May 31st.
Please contact Ryan O’Toole to set up payments.

As you can see from this new text chain,
we have 18 contestants for the first time ever!

So, like everything else “Dookie,”
we’ve come up with an ingenious new format this year that will both confuse you, and astonish you.
(mostly confuse, I suspect)
It’s something we’ve never attempted before.
So, those of us that have been around for a long time, are really looking forward to this novel format.

We will have 3-man teams.

This will require us to alter some of the events, in order to accommodate the 3-man teams:

3-man best-ball Golf scramble, 3-man rotation in Darts, 3-man free-for-all in Croquet, and 3-man switch-sides rotation in Horseshoes & Bocce.

The changes will be discussed in detail prior to the events so that everyone will understand how to proceed.
But, we think we’ve figured out a way to keep it fun and fair for threesomes.

So….as King Ghidorah of the Godzilla movies,
our champion will have three heads.

Three Conquerors shall emerge.

The partners have already been determined (so let the shit-talking commence!!):

*captains

Ray*        Frank    Beiter
Tony*      O’Toole Dank
Rory*       Craig     Paul
Garyn*    Hare      Petrazio
Phat*       Jay        Oakes
Metcalf*  Turk      Jimmy

I’ve attached a photo of our newly minted Dookie Mugs 3.0.
[YES, their third version!]

We’ve added second plinths to both,
and got the last 5 years of Conquerors engraved on them!!

For now, they’ll go to last year’s Conquerors to bask in the joy of Conquerdom.
So, congratulations again to
Jeff, Tony Garyn & Beiter.
Enjoy the next few months sharing our Holy Grail Mugs!

But…. be thee ware, should ye fail to defend thy crown, be thee prepared to surrender said Grails, come the afternoon of Sunday July 13th!!

So, now…to this year’s competition:

This will be the first year that we’ve had 18 competitors in our little Tournament that decides the Conquerors of the World.

As such, some new faces are inevitable. Therefore, some welcome’s are in order.

Welcome back to some recent participants: Turk and Paul.
This will be their 4th year competing, but the first time in 3 years that they’ve participated.
(these two freakishly only ever *participate* in the same tournament, or skip it.
NEVER one competing, or the other.
ONLY together.)

Craig Diehm was in the Tournament in 2000 and 2001. A cooooool quarter-century ago. And in the ‘01 tourney, with wins in both Golf and Croquet, he and Metcalf finished second overall. *So* close.
So, let’s welcome back a REAL throwback.. welcome!

Dank, formally known as Rick Dankmyer, is a friend of O’Toole & Garyn’s, and will be joining us for the first time. Welcome!

Frank Eslinger is one of Ray’s friend’s. It will be his first time competing as well.  Welcome!

And Eric Petrazio, is one of those “Dookie curious” guys, who’s been to several tournaments, because he’s friend’s with both Hare & Oakes, but who’s never actually taken the full plunge. Welcome!

[we miss you, Bowz]

Don’t forget about our website: www.dookietournament.com
Tony has made some great updates over the offseason. There’s even a link to the “old” Dookie website on there.
Yinz should check it auht!

Fellas, I have no doubts, that this is gonna be a GREAT one!

With all these new faces & returning old ones, plus the newly re-minted Dookie Mugs,
it’s gonna be like a ‘Dookie Redux.’

I hope yinz are as excited as I am,
because as Ricky Bobby said it best:
“I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.”

Boys, i can’t wait to cheers one with ya in a few short months.
So, until then, keep practicing your drinkin’.

In the Dookie Bond,

Hare