Rick:

• Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
• I hope you learned from your parent’s mistakes and always use birth control.
• But:
• People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
• Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.  Unfortunately, you have none of the above.

Jeff:

• No sense talking smack, some people can rip telephone books in half…you’d have trouble with a wet Kleenex.
• Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
• If your dick was as big as your mouth you'd have a date tonight.
• Nice face. Want a gun?

Marshall:

• I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
• I don't know what makes you so stupid, but whatever it is, it really works!  You should patent it.
• Don’t worry, though. I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against everyone elses?
• Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Stump:

• I hear you were born on a farm. Were there any more in your litter?
• I bet your mother has a loud bark!
• We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.
• Talk all the shit you want this weekend, but being attacked by you is like being savaged by a dead sheep.

Slade:

• Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
• Every guy has the right to be ugly, but DAMN DUDE, you abused the privilege!
• Out of ten million sperm your daddy dropped...why you?
• I would have been your dad but the guy in front of me had correct change.

Tony:

• I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
• If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours…It’s got less mileage.
• I’d like you to tell me everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
• Even God was bored by you.

Ryan:

• You were born in December, so what sign were you born under?  I know what sign you were born under...it said 'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
• You must have a low opinion of people if you think you’re going to beat us this weekend.
• The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
• Actually, you are one of the nicest old ladies I ever met.

Petzel

• Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
• If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
• This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
• Actually, I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Oakes:

• Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma?
• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception
• You're so ugly the tide won't even take you out.
• Back in the day, do you remember the weird clothes that your Mom used to make you wear? You can stop now.

Junior:

• Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort for our benefit?
• Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
• Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
• I hope your partner came to play this year, because you're as worthless as tits on a nun.

Joe:

• Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
• I know you’re a teacher, but if your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
• I’m not saying your dumb, but you’re about as sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball.
• You're so dumb that you went to a Clippers game to get a haircut.

Joel:

• You're about as much use as a Betamax video recorder
• You’re better at sex than anyone; now all you need is a partner.
• Actually, I remember your brother Jay saying you weren’t fit to sleep with a pig, but I defended you and said you were.
• When I got in trouble and had to go to the vice principles office, your father once confided in me he spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at storks.

 

Sean:

• Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
• Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
• We can always tell when you are full of shit. Your lips move.
• If bullshit was dynamite you'd blow this place apart.

Dan:

• Are your parents siblings?
• Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
• When you get to the men’s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
• You're so nasty that when you take off your underwear it sounds like Velcro.

My Partner: Rorge

• He told me he is ready to do the work of three people this weekend.  Too bad he’s only capable of emulating Larry, Moe, and Curly.
• This guy is like the missing link…Any similarity between him and a human is purely coincidental!
• You smell so bad you make Right Guard turn left; you make Secret obvious; you make Speed Stick slow down; and you get Sure confused.
• You all may say that my partner is the perfect idiot. I say that he’s are not perfect, but he’s doing alright.

To everyone:

• There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.